Mountains are for climbing

Guess what? I successfully powered through my first year of grad school! My first year was all about rotating from one lab to another in hopes of finding a permanent home where I would metamorphose from being a timid first-year grad student into a fearless, hopeful, and an optimistic researcher powered by data and caffeine.

I cannot believe how much I underestimated the process moving forward. Between taking courses (and therefore preparing for exams and working on assignments), attending seminars, teaching two labs (and two recitations, one office hour, plus all that grading), writing grants and fellowship applications, AND doing my own research in any time that I find in between, it has been a CRAZY semester so far. One of the most disheartening things is how much behind I am on my reading. I am usually so tired by the end of the day that my brain freezes and will not take in any new information that’s thrown at it. My eyes burn down, my legs become numb, and my back starts yearning to crash on my cozy bed as soon as I get home. The papers keep piling up, experiments haunt me in my dreams (the night before every rat dissection, episodes of drug treatments and protein assays flash before my eyes!) and I dread the 1:1 meetings with my PI having no data to report or no hypotheses to discuss. Is this normal for a second-year grad student? I don’t know. I am trying to make up for all the research time lost due to coursework and teaching by working till late evenings and on the weekends. There is no difference between a Friday and a Saturday or a Sunday anymore. Is this grad life? Are we more than just grad students?

A faint silver lining amidst this craziness has been the fact that I have started to formulate the research direction I want to pursue my main Ph.D. thesis on. Of course, I have been working on other projects on the side, but I have now started to connect the dots and evaluate my main project in terms of its novelty, idea, and the required experimental framework. I realized that the more I write about my work in grant/applications or the more I attempt to justify it, I start to identify the gaps in knowledge that needs to be filled. This is truly exciting. The funny thing is, I sometimes wish there was a guidebook that could tell me exactly what I need to think or how I should approach a problem. Unfortunately, there isn’t one. There is so much knowledge out there, but no guidelines for using it. Maybe this is what its all about?

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